I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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