i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
