K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
