if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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