I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
