Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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