he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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