She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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