***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
