I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
