He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
