Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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