And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
