Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
