please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
