so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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