just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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