Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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