So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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