This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
