the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
