whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
