drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
