no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
