Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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