WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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