After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
