I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
