I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
