Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
