It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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