If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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