My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
