I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
we're so committed to being not committed
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
