We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
