Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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