I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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