I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
be right there i have to get my cape
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
