I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
