My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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