did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
