You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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