hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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