cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
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I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
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Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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