I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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