I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
