Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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