I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
