Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
