They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
