so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
