I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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