When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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