theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This baby is an asshole
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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