Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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