Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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