I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
