nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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