when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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