put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize