I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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