So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
