I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
