I didn't shave. On purpose
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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