You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
