i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
