I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
